![]() Menopause isn't hell...at least that is what I have heard from a few women...a few very fortunate women. But in my own personal experience...If menopause isn't hell - it runs parallel to it and shares the same borders. Warning - If you are prone to experience discomfort from TMI; do not read further. If you know me so well, that having an intimate conversation about this topic will cause you to be uncomfortable; then do not read further. If everytime you see me, you are afraid you will have unpleasant images of me conjur up in your brain; then do not read further. This is meant to help women hear a real interpretation of what menopause could be like. It is meant to help men gain perspective of what is going on and where in the world did their wives go? If you don't need this, then please don't read it. It is deeply personal to me and out of character for me to be so bold. But...it is about time someone was. Maybe I wouldn't have been so blindsided. First off, if you haven't entered this phase in your life, don't let me panic you. My menopause experience was really somewhat unusual in its severity and intensity; but a lot of the symptoms are very common.
I read many books on the subject before it all really hit me. I had minor symptoms in my early forties and having been treated for hormone problems all of my adult life, I rather expected some unpleasantness. I found two books very helpful. One was by Dr. John Lee - "Hormone Balance Made Simple". It actually had a series of questions in it to help enlighten you about where your imbalances might be. The other one was "From Belly Fat to Belly Flat", by C.W. Randolph. It is full of useful information and I actually benefited from using his bio-identical progesterone cream during my pre-menopause phase. It really helped my mood swings, which thankfully came and went before everything else hit. That cream is available at his website, hormonewell.com. Do not be mislead into thinking that you can just get the yam used in this bioidentical cream in some over the counter version. It has to be converted to a bioidentical form that the body can recognize as such, before it can be of any use to you. Just be aware, as there are SO many things out there that it gets confusing. The first book I read, was by Suzanne Somers, and it was called 'The Sexy Years'. Think what you will about her, but I respect the fact that she put together some useful information about basic symptoms and bio-identical hormones. If you aren't aware, bio-identical hormones are not chemically manufactured as most hormones were in years past...from horse urine no less. They have the same chemical composition as naturally occuring ones in your body; and thus are more effective and safer. I will never forget the 7 Dwarves reference she makes to symptoms of menopause...Itchy - B*tchy - Sweaty - Sleepy - Bloated - Forgetful - and All Dried Up. Yep...she's been there. For those who just need a little dose of healthy living to make it through 'the change', there are lots of resources for that. My problem is that everything I read, I was already doing. I should have been the perfect subject to just go swimmingly through the whole thing. I exercised...a lot. I always have. I ate all of the right things, took all the right supplements, made sure I got plenty of sleep and kept more regular hours and schedule than I ever had. I was happy. My weight was fine. I never ever drank, smoked or took drugs. Yet, when my doctor told me, at age 52, that I needed to get off of all of my hormones so I could get an accurate account of where my hormones were; all hell broke loose. And I mean immediately. In the early stages, when I was still able to experience sleep, I would never really 'wake up'. I would just lay there waiting to feel like I always did...which was ready to get up and get on with my day. I was always mentally awake in the mornings. No more. It was like I never regained total consciousness. In fact, feelings of any kind were basically numbed into non existance...except for pain. I could feel sore and achy just fine...all the time. Even when I could run on the treadmill, I couldn't get that natural endorphin pain killer that I am sure has benefited me richly my whole life. I wanted to exercise, but I couldn't most of the time. I felt so sick, and it was all I could do to keep working. I love to cook...and I love to eat. But not anymore. I didn't care about any of that either...yet, my body somehow managed to store up fat. That was actually quite amazing. How could that be? My shape changed. I got 'back fat'!! I had never had that in my entire life. Fat begins to show up in places that you never had it before. While that was going on, my lean body mass just plummeted. Now I have never had to work that hard to keep my musculature. I have always loved strength training and actually at one point in my life, had to quit doing it so much as I couldn't get my jeans over my legs anymore! Now this!! I clean houses all day for a living...so it wasn't like I was sitting around all day withering away either. As time wore on, I began to have worsening symptoms. I had hot flashes all along...bad ones...and I had chills before and after. But they began cycling with more frequency to the point that in any given hour, I had about 10 minutes where I wasn't in the throws of one or the other. One of my clients of 17 years came home early one night, and as we briefly discussed what was happening to me, she said if she didn't know me like she did, she would think I was a junkie. My days became a routine of wearing my tear away sweats and sweat jacket over shorts and t-shirt; with a jacket over that, and a coat over that. I began to wear a hair clip attached to my coat pocket. When the surging body flames began, I would clip my hair up and strip down to the shorts and shirt. Immediately following that, I would shake with chills and bundle back up quickly so I could keep working. Of course, my skin was soaking wet with sweat, so that didn't help; but that wasn't the cause. Then, it would start over...always beginning with a bone shaking, teeth chattering chill, followed by the intense burning up, brain fevered heat, and ending with a drained, ready to pass out from weakness, chill again. At night, there was no sleeping. I had the same exact experience at night. It never stopped. Worse yet, the bed would get soaking wet, so I had to keep putting clothes on and putting towels over where I was trying in vain to sleep. As if this weren't enough, my hair began to feel and look dull. I thought maybe coloring my hair was taking its toll. No, I just had to start using a clarifying shampoo to get the sebum buildup off of it. My hair was always dry, but now it had hormone problems. Yippee! My hair began getting a little thinner in spots. Thankfully, I didn't have this as bad as some women do. In fact, let me just say that the whole hair thing is just out of control! You get hair where you don't want it and possibly never had it, and lose it where you want it! Wild, uckey, coarse hairs begin cropping up on your chin and jawline. Some women get mustaches! Then, my eyebrows began getting thinner...especially at the inner corners and the outer edges. Guess what? Now, my thyroid glands were being effected! How did I know this? I got to a point where I couldn't take it anymore. I had intended to ride out menopause naturally. But, I couldn't do it anymore. I think of a movie quote from 'The Edge'...that movie that starred Bart the Bear with Anthony Hopkins and Alec Baldwin. A model was too sick to do the shoot one day, and when the cameraman was asked how the guy was doing, he answered, "Well, he would have to get better to die." Young people hear this kind of thing and laugh because they think it is ridiculous and funny. As we get older, it is funny because there is an element of truth in it. In college, the book 'The Stress of Life', by Dr. Hans Selye, was a big deal. A lot of this came harkening back to me, because I was experiencing it first hand. My body wasn't recovering. It was trying, but as the following months of blood tests would reveal, it was failing. Here is the part that really seems embarrassing to talk about. The dwarf..."All Dried Up". I don't know if other women experience this to the degree that I did; but my female tissues completely went away. There was also seemingly, no entrance anymore. Now all of the lubricant in the world isn't going to help that. I had become an asexual being; an alien creature. How is that possible? I felt nothing... nothing but pain at any attempt to feel anything differently. I remember sobbing, wondering what I was becoming...and how much more I could take before quite frankly, I would just die. There is a really bright side to this horrible story...one that I intend to share. But for now, this is my story. For any of you still brave enough to read...healing and health are attainable...even at this level. In my next post I will reveal the path I chose to successfully deal with this stage of my life... stay tuned...
9 Comments
Stacy
2/17/2016 12:13:27 am
I'm beginning to get the chills/hot flash/chills part...always just as I get home from work and try to start dinner. Not every day, but when it happens, it makes me feel like I could faint. Oh, and the Sahara desert part... And too hotmuch or too cold to sleep. Sigh.
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Jackie
2/17/2016 11:10:50 pm
I hope it doesn't last very long for you, Stacy. Let me know if I can help. :)
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Terri
2/17/2016 04:49:01 am
Good read! It is not a pleasant thing to go through, indeed. Your article has alot of insight. Love the cliff hanger and can't wait to see how you dealt with that last dwarf.
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Jackie
2/17/2016 11:12:25 pm
I know you were forced to deal with a lot of this stuff early on, Terri. Thanks for talking with me about it when you did, and thanks for caring enough to read and comment.
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Deneane
2/17/2016 09:51:23 am
For a while, it seemed like I was going to sail right through this, symptom free. I'm still pretty blessed, in comparison to you and to many others. I'm having hot flashes these days. I'm sitting in front of a fan at my desk right now. LOL It hits any time of day, and during the night, but thankfully, the sweating is minimal. The good thing is, I've lowered my home thermostat from where I used to have it set. :-) Driving to work this morning, with my truck thermostat set to 66 degrees, I had to roll down the window to stop sweating. Granted, I was wearing a Winter coat, but it was 27° outside and it felt refreshing. I've already run a little hot, but this is much worse. I don't know if there's more to come, or not. I turn 50 this year. I look forward to your next installment.
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Jackie
2/17/2016 11:15:17 pm
Oh Deneane, I will be thinking about you. Hopefully what you have will be as bad as it gets and you will get through it quickly. I didn't have time for it and I know you don't either! Thanks so much for sharing and for your input on here all along. :)
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Steph
2/18/2016 01:25:48 am
Jackie
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Jackie
2/18/2016 10:00:56 am
Thank-you Steph! I think I would have to agree with you, even though I had people tell me that wasn't necessarily true. I clung to the hope that it would get better...but alas..just had to throw the towel in on that one. I am also sorry to read that you have some of the same problems and have shared them all your life, as I did.
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Jenni
7/22/2016 01:30:37 pm
Wow, Jackie! Just saw this for the 1st time. Thank you so much for your honest and open willingness to share! Your symptoms are much more extreme than mine, but I also had no warning of what to expect! I have been dealing with this off an on for almost 5 years, now, and at one point thought I would have to drop out of grad school, because the hot flashes were too much for me to even consider concentrating how I needed to.
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